Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
