farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
