new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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