some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
