pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
