just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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