Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
