Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
