who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
