I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
