remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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