It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
