I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
