You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
