i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
