Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
