so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
