Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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