He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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