I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Alive.
So much puke
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize