When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
