Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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