Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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