Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
