...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
