I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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