the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
