How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
