remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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