I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
God, I missed his penis.
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