Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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