suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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