Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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