mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
