new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
