If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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