in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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