My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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