if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
