New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
