How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
