just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
