She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
