woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
