she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
