we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
