the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
