the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize