I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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