please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
