I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
