Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
