Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
