Someone shit on the floor
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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