the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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