If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
