I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
