you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
