We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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