totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
