chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
