When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
