Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
