i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize