My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
