some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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