A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
