im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
