Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize