everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
