Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
