I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sober January is a disaster.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
