The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
