last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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