Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm at about main and main street
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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