dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
