I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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