i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize