At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
