She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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