true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
