Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I had to cum in my sink.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
