There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
