hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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