My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
