with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
