I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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