i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
