It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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