i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
