I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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