And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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