Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
