porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
