Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
