so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
