So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize