I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
