When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
