My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
