she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
