I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
now i know why i became what i already was.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
