I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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