Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
