he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
