It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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