I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
