Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
