You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
