ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
