I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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