So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This is classic penis vs brain.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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