i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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