So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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