I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
